When we met, we were five years old. I ended up being the best-man in his wedding. He was the "brother" that lived, literally, a couple stone-throws away. He lived on the other side of that field. I remember through the years on Christmas mornings, looking over at his house to see who got up first, in the pitched darkness, to open their presents. All of this happened when there was a little more wholesomeness on our ol' planet earth. The times are a lot harder on all of us, now, than they used to be.

We were fifteen years old. Sophomores at Norton High School, Norton, Ohio. He told me that his dad hadn't been home in a couple days. That wasn't normal for his dad, to go missing. I'm sure we prayed for them. I got a phone call from my friend one day, and he said..."hey, they found my dad. I said, "awesome, good deal", He said, "no, no he's gone. He killed himself, he killed himself". Everything kind of went blank, as I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened to my best friend. He ended up spending the night. I still remember laying next to him on our family room floor. I don't remember talking much. I fell asleep. I doubt he slept much. We got up in the morning, and got on with it. Me to my broken family, and he to his shattered family. This was the second time in my short fifteen years that I became more familiar with suicide.

The first time I heard the word suicide, was when I was just a child. There was a story of my maternal Grandfather's brother, "Uncle Eli", that had killed himself, and "Nana found him". She found him in the bathroom. There was talk of a lot of blood. I was a child...I didn't really get it. The third time suicide hit home was when I was serving in the United States Marine Corps. We were set to sail into the eastern portion of the Mediterranean Sea, to Lebanon, to relieve the unit that was securing the Beirut International Airport, Beirut, Lebanon, in 1983. But before we arrived, a man driving a truck laden with 2000 lbs. of explosives, crashed into the lobby of the Battalion Landing Team 1/8's Headquarters building, and the man, a "suicide bomber", detonated the 2000 lbs. of explosives. 241 U.S. Marines were killed that day, by a suicide bomber. We relieved that unit, and were the last heavily armed unit to serve in Lebanon, to this day. Suicide Bomber.

Shortly after we returned from our deployment, suicide entered into my life again. I'm a musician, so anytime I hear live music being performed, I head towards it. There were some new Marines that had come into our unit. As I entered the squadbay, I heard a harmonica being played. The performer ended up being a Marine I am still in contact with, to this day. He introduced me to his girlfriend's sister. That was a good day! We were together through two and a half years of my active service. This young lady and I spent as much time as possible, together. She was only four hours away, so every weekend, I was there. One day, as if playing over again, from three years prior, she told me that her dad had gone missing, for a few days. I came to see her that next weekend, and he still hadn't showed up. I was picking her up from work, and she told me that she recieved a phone call at work, from a family friend, that had told her to come home as soon as possible. I got her home as fast as I could. As we pulled up to the house, the family friend came out, grabbed onto her, hugged her, and whispered into her ear. I was right behind her. In the next second, she collapsed back into my arms. The friend told her that her dad had gone to a nearby park, and committed suicide. Suicide once again, and it's ugly head.

These four short stories were traumatic...life altering you could say. But nothing compared to my first-hand account of "feeling suicide". When I left active-duty in the Marine Corps, I came back to Ohio. I love Ohio! The young lady and I, decided to go our seperate ways for various reasons. My emotional health seemed solid for the first few months after leaving active-duty. I moved to Lake Tahoe, NV for a few months with one of the guys I had joined the Marine Corps with. I was kind of unwinding from my service years. Feeling out what civilian life would be like. I ended up coming back to Ohio to go to school, at Akron University, Akron, OH. Before I started school, I met a gentleman that had a band together, and was looking for a singer. That was one of my goals upon getting out of the Marine Corps, to join a band, and sing, and I did! Big thankful for that! Music, up until this time, was great therapy for me, but it became so much more important once I started performing. I loved it, and I still do!

Shortly after I started attending school, things started to get weird. It was becoming dark. There were multiple reasons for my emotional decline, but I am 100% certain that the main reason for "the madness" was because of a spiritual disconnect. I was moving further and further away from my relationship with The Creator of All Things. That's the gate. Your spiritual belief allows things to enter your life, or not. Maybe a better way to look at, it is that your spiritual life lets things that have entered your life, stay in your life, or not. The gate was open. I had no gate-keeper. My emotional, mental, and spiritual life continued to decline. It got so bad that I planned out how I would take my own life. Even after all of the pain I saw suicide administer through the years, i was still willing to thrust that heavy, heavy weight upon my friends, and family's shoulders. I planned it out.

It's clear that i failed to carry out the plan. Sometimes failing is best! One more short story, and we'll move onto the fix! My friend that i mentioned earlier, whose dad committed suicide, followed in his dad's footsteps, who followed in his dad's footsteps. Three generations; grandfather, father, son. All died at their own hand.

I share with you, these stories, to let you know that I relate with you if you are a family member, or a friend, that's experienced the suicide of a loved one, or if you've been in the pit of planning out your own death, at your own hand. I also share these stories to let you know the reason why we are conducting this social experiment.

Time for a little light!

Suicide is up in all demographics of society. Our state of Ohio included. I heard a wise woman say, that if you want to serve, if you want to help, look at your wounds. I have definitely been wounded through the years by this plague of suicide. I have a story to share, of how I got out of it's grip, and I want to encourage others who are struggling. Those that have struggled, and want to help, we invite you to join us in this social experiment. I wrestled for a long time about going out and talking about suicide. How could I get excited about that? How could anybody get excited about that? Then, the proverbial light bulb was turned on, and things became clear. Set a realistic goal, and invite the state of Ohio to join you, to help you. The numbers of how people pass on is recorded in the Ohio Department of Health's Bureau of Vital Statistics. We can, and will, track the numbers to see if we've succeeded. It's a great, worthy goal, and we invite you to join us!